paraboxical | consequences;

[...Tony always picks the worst times to be stubborn about topics, he can't help but think.

He considers that, sighing heavily--and moving from his crouch to his knees, a more comfortable position, and one that also allows him to...drape his upper body over Tony slightly.

It means his face is buried in Tony's neck when he responds, which is--

good. Yes.]

No, I am not. And it fits me well to have my entire identity end up a lie.

[A bit of a self-deprecating, humorless snort.]

...Tell me, did your mother ever tell you stories as a small child?

[ . . . ahah.

Tony's grin spreads a bit although it lacks the same amused tint that it normally has-]

No. [by evening she would normally tuck him in and kiss him good night, but would often have to be out doing something early the next morning which left very time available for comprehensive stories] But I hear that's done.

[But he stretches out his sore limbs so that he can wrap his arms around Loki, one hand working its way into the god's hair again, encouraging him to stay in that position and go on.]

Is that so...? Curious.

[He offers a faint smile at that, also lacking in any amusement or humor, as he leans back to look at Tony.

Two very broken people, hm...? Fitting, anyway.]

My--

[...he does this every time, more so with hi-- Frigga than anyone, because part of him would still like to claim her as mother.]

Thor's mother would often do so when we were very young. Thor in particular was most fond of those stories that consisted of danger, action--though I'm afraid the villains were always the same, regardless of the story.

[The humorless grin spreads some; he doesn't think he even has to clarify for Tony to put together the pieces from there.]

[ . . . no, not at all. So he sighs out faintly at that before pressing their lips together again.

Then solidly:]

Your mother sounds like a lovely lady. Ask her to come down to earth sometime- we can have crumpets and stuff at Olive Garden or something. Then we can go to family therapy or something because I'm sure she wouldn't be happy if you stopped calling her Mummy.

And I know we're both pretty badly off but I still don't like the idea of making my mother cry.

[So he presses his lips to Loki's cheek when he's done with that part. Because... he's not about to let Loki toss away his family right in front of him.]

But did I tell you about when they called me the Merchant of Death?

Good times.

[Except the expression on his face seems to clarify that they were anything but.]

[His grin twitches a moment--

And slowly fades away. But, expression mildly tense, he still doesn't pull away. They're past that point now.

And so he just murmurs his response to that, gaze dropping.]

...She would like you, I think.

[She is a very lovely lady, and he does love her very much, of all of his family.

But he just tilts his head at that, looking at Tony.]

You have not, no.

[...he thinks he gets what Tony is getting at there. And it's almost laughable how his lips slowly twitch into a smile (still humorless, but a smile nonetheless).]

I suppose we are all villains, at times.

[... hah. And Tony manages an actual smile at that, just at the edge of his lips.]

I'm a fan of anyone who's a fan of yours, I figure. That's a fair estimate, right?

So... invite her down sometime. And don't call her Thor's mother when I'm pretty sure she's raised two sons.

[Another kiss, light and lingering before he starts to breach the denser topic.]

But... right. Villains. Monsters. Bad guys. I think I'm a terrible monster- seriously, do you know what I could do to this country? [a raise of his brow] I'd probably be taken out if I tried but technically speaking, there could be a hell of a lot of damage in my wake. I think I've already ruined three other countries just by being me-

[And he has to pause because he's getting a little too close for himself, trying to treat it lightly when in fact it's anything but. So he just swallows a moment later before exhaling.]

Villainy is... a thing. Sometimes you don't even ask for it... but I figure you take that and it's just part of who you are, in the end.

You were unconscious for it but while I'll still call the Hulk a terrible green rage monster... he's the only green rage monster that was capable of saving my life when I was falling. And he did. So it's how you use it that defines who and what you are.

[He just sighs faintly at that, but doesn't deny it. His mother--his mother, yes--did a fair job of raising him, he will be the first to say. And he would be the first to step in and defend her.

...So he says nothing.

Instead he focuses on the heavier topic, expression solemn.]

I suppose that cannot be denied. There is a difference, however, between you and I.

[He leans forward as if for another kiss, but he halts himself, hovering just above Tony's lips, and sighs, instead pressing their foreheads together very, very gently, with only the faintest of pressure.]

The difference is that I used my villainy knowingly, in a most villainous way.

[And he knows that to be true, and he always said he would not deny the consequences--

And so he will not deny the consequences. It was a self-fulfilling prophecy. He was a villain, he was born a villain, and he chose to be a villain. And so--]

Thus...though you may take villainy as a part of who you are, I would not have you blame yourself for such a thing. Are you not constantly repenting?

[In the form of heroism.]

... wrong.

[And he closes the distance between their lips for a long moment before he does pull away, entirely solemn. The hand in Loki's hair reminds, keeping the god close as he meets his eyes.]

There's nothing more villainous than what I did. I wouldn't get my own hands dirty. Bombs and weapons were used and they were used creatively- I made a profit from missiles that I would see tested, aimed at nothing more than mountains, and then never see them take life even though I knew that was exactly what they were designed to do.

Then, because I didn't follow where these missiles went, they were used on the same people that I wanted to protect. Double-dealing under the table, praised as a hero and labeled as a villain even without people knowing that apparently the company sold to both sides.

There's no way to repent.

Not when my weapons made it halfway across the globe to destroy and take lives of people I didn't even know along with people that I had sworn to protect.

At least you've always known what's important to you-

And even then you're protecting it, though I still haven't figured out why.

[Asgard. It's always been Asgard and Tony knows that-

Because Earth is what's important to him now... but it wasn't always. For a long time, he had no idea what he was fighting for until he got pushed into a living nightmare.]

[He listens quietly--and he sighs, faintly, shaking his head and pressing his lips to Tony's again. And after a long moment, he pulls away to look Tony in the eye again, response equally solemn.]

Then I am pleased you found yourself on the proper side. It suits you better.

[Everything from clean energy to the Avengers--it suits Tony better and he knows it. He knows Tony is not a team player. But he also knows that it gives Tony strength to not be alone, and some days, it is just the Avengers standing together.

He knows this.

He also knows that that sort of thing does not and would never suit him.]

And I believe you've paid enough a price.

[Just a quiet murmur, because he remembers that coffee-soaked night in which Tony was plenty haunted--

By so many things.

Hm. His tone is a little wondering when he responds.]

Why I...defend Asgard...?

[He has to give that one some thought, even though he knows the answer (he knows, in the same way that he knows it does not make sense). And a derisive snort.]

Certainly not for my false 'kin', certainly not for those who treated me with nothing but scorn.

[...so why?]

...And yet it has its worth.

[Tony just manages a smile-]

The shrapnel in my body is from a missile I designed. I was captured because the soldiers acting as my bodyguards were taken out from my own weapons. What managed to teach me a lesson still took out the lives of the people around me-

Because I can't imagine how I'm not the center of the universe.

[Except he can, he absolutely can. There have been plenty of times where he's considered just taking himself out before he did something stupid that would end up killing even more people-

If he eradicated himself, maybe there would be a proper center to the universe.

But that's just a point he wants to make. Something that he feels makes him a monster. In the end it's always a Tony-focused lense. Things don't happen to him, they happen around him.

Afghanistan was just the first time he had something enter his personal bubble of self-awareness.

But-]

I like the way that I made this about me even now.

[And instead he just presses his lips to Loki's.]

But I have to say that you are the most clear-thinking and clever monster I've ever met- and I'd like to change the definition of monster. It can be like alien- meant to imply foreign. Sure, connotation of hostile but...

[a shrug]

Heroes are supposed to be upstanding citizens- they're actually supposed to be Steve if you ask me.

... but when's anything ever that black and white?

[...Betrayed and killed by his own weapons. Harmed and "taught a lesson". Intended for a purpose.

He chuckles softly, regaining a faint edge of his good humor at that, and gently presses his hand against Tony's chest where he knows the arc reactor rests beneath his shirt, gently, fingers splayed. And he leans to return the kiss because that is something he can do as he responds--]

It is about you as well, for it is a similar tale. And as you stated once--sometimes all it takes is a single person to understand.

[A faint, wry smile.]

Thor is a hero, Tony. Thor is all of those things and none of those things depending on the mood that takes him. Of course it is not so black and white as that.

[Though the inherent prejudice is hard to shake, even now, he simply sighs faintly, still vaguely good-humored despite everything.]

I am still rather insane, you know.

[okay wait hold on this might be a serious moment but-]

Thor? Thor is an idiot who threw me against a wall because sarcasm was beyond his reach. Sure, he's protective and a nice guy, righteous and all that- but do you think I'd be on the couch kissing Thor any day of the week?

No, he's gross and bulky and too slow and heavy in every sense of those words.

I said Steve for a reason because he's a nice guy, really straight-edge, but if we're going to pick any of the Avengers to be a hero, I think it's Captain America and not just because his superhero name has the greatest country on earth mentioned in it.

[a scoff]

But all geniuses are slightly insane.

I'd take you as 'rather insane' as opposed to 'very insane' and destroying Manhattan. And even then, you managed to be pretty hot so in Iron Man's books, you're forgiven.

[A blink.

Ah.

He'd called Thor a hero because Thor is a hero--at least. That's what he's been conditioned to believe.

...But he appreciates Tony's surprising words quite a bit.

...Ha.]

I did not say Thor was flawless. There was a reason I plotted to keep him from the throne a few moments longer, and it was not because I wanted it.

[Which is true. He didn't want to be king of Asgard. That sounded god-awful.

But he smirks at all of this, shaking his head.]

Your priorities continue to impress...though I do not regret my actions, it is...good to see that they were not entirely--villainous.

[...well, he knew he was protecting Asgard, but.

Hrm.]

Good, because the guy's not ready for the throne. Any throne. He's still figuring out the porcelain throne in the bathroom-

[And he rolls his eyes even though his head protests the action.]

Listen, I get the collateral damage thing... and there's absolutely no doubt that people are still angry at you about New York and the Avengers, myself obviously excluded, could throw you farther than they could trust you.

But all that says is you pissed people off and villainy is subjective like everything else on every single planet out there.

You know history is written by the winners, right? That includes what's passed down to the little ones.

[And he decides to punctuate the end of that sentence with a kiss, sealing Loki's lips to give him a long moment to just think about what was said instead of immediately trying to poke holes if he still wants to.

Tony likes to think it's as if sometimes-villains are just sharing a moment when they're... not being villains.]

[He is about to poke holes into that--

But the kiss silences him well enough, and he falls silent, allowing this and his shoulders slump as he allows it to sink in.

Right.

And when they break apart, his murmur follows, ever so tentative--]

I suppose the winners decide on the monsters as well.

[It will take a lot of work to derail the sense of 'monster' that he's been given from such a young age, but.

Logically.

Logically he gets it.]

Do they really?

[he brightens up at that and only semi-mockingly]

In that case, I think I'm the winningest of them all except for Charlie Sheen but he's so 2011.

And so I'd like to now declare killjoys as monsters and Frost Giants as the new Na'vi. Let me call up Hollywood and see if we can get you a movie. Do you have a language? If not I can call up a linguist from USC like they did-

Actually scratch that entirely, teach me Norse first.

[...He snorts, amused. Well, it's light-hearted enough, he supposes.]

Old Norse or the more modern version?

[Of course he knows both--]

But yes, we have a language. But we are gods--we may be understood wherever we are.

Either. Both. All of them-

[And he presses another brief kiss to Loki's lips, entirely entertained now.]

Just teach me.

I figure I could learn a thing or a thousand from a godly sometimes-supervillain always-trickster.

[That makes him equally entertained, tilting his head.]

Old Norse to begin, then.

Nobody else can understand it--except for Thor, do not use it around Thor for secrets--and what better use for a language than that?

Well if you're going to go that far it makes me want to devise a language just for us so even Thor can't get it.

[what he'll say he's not sure but he's already thinking up some ideas]

[An arched eyebrow.]

Or I could teach you a dozen others that he had never before heard in his life. Thor is hardly a scholar, Tony.

[ . . . a nod.]

Right. Other realms. Still working on programming that into my system.

That works out much better than because I was thinking we could tried Earth languages-

But there's a good chance Natasha knows most of them by now, quadruple agent that she is.

[He snorts at that.]

Yes, other realms. Other realms with other languages and other creatures. It always fascinated me, and so I studied such things.

[Shrug.]

See, I would've been right behind you-

If we didn't find out about them in the past... year or two.

[... a sigh and he falls back on the couch]

Long way to go, Earth. Looong way to go.

[He chuckles, lifting his shoulders in a limp sort of shrug.]

Now, now. You cannot be blamed for your world's technological inferiority.

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