She tried to set me up with her friend once.

[... and a pause. because that's already headache-inducing]

Oh, she was a lovely girl-

... if... stalkerish really... constitutes lovely in any way at all.

[ahaha sob]

I thought she was nice! I would have been happy to start up a relationship with her- if she... didn't invite herself to my apartment almost immediately.

[he's already thinking 'ieyasu why did you do this']

I let her sleep in the spare room that night and-

... she had already been making pancakes in the morning. Kind, I thought-

Then when I saw her out and went out myself... I found out that I had locked myself out once I got back. I was able to call my friend to give me the spare key that I entrusted him with and... turns out she took mine while I was sleeping and made a spare copy since she was already inside waiting.

[ . . . s-sigh.]

I let Kumiko handle it, moved to a new city, and I've never left my keys unattended at night again.

Not a relationship.

But that's about as bad as it has ever gotten.